It's the new year, and therefore time to divulge some painfully personal details. This isn't a resolution. This is apparently a need. So here goes...
I'm quite hairy. Except for the top of my head, I'm hairy. In fact, I'm probably as hairy as the top of my head on 75% of the rest of my body. My least hairy places: the inside of my elbows, the sides of my neck, and presumably my ass (I don't know...I haven't looked).
Apparently, it's familial. My cousins and I went to Florida for a holiday a few years ago. While standing in line for a water slide (yes, we're dorks...thank you for asking), I overheard a kid asking his parent "Why are those men so hairy?" I'm always ready for viewing the freaks. That very same day, we saw a woman who was approximately 400lbs who was "wearing" a very tiny American flag-print bikini. My cousin, noting where the flag was being "flown" (disappearing into the crack of her ass), said "that's not very patriotic". That's all that was said; and that's all that was needed to be said for me and my other cousin to understand. So when we heard that kid asking about the hairiness of some people nearby, I really was expecting to see a few guys who were sporting black shag carpets. When I couldn't find them, I realized, to my horror, that junior was talking about us. All of the "men" around us were as hairless as some genetically-disadvantaged cats. We, the Canadians, were the hairy ones. Hairy noses, hairy toeses. Hairy.
Where is this going? These days, I'm becoming increasingly tortured by ear hair. I'm trying my best to keep ahead of it. I pluck. I mow with a fancy trimmer. But the struggle continues. Once in a while, I feel the aggravating tickle of a new hair springing forth somewhere inside my ear. I can't ever see them, so I have to blindly tug around with tweezers hoping to find the one, torturous offender. It's not easy, and when I think that I've found and tweezed the hairy little devil, some breeze catches it (yes, there's a breeze through my ears), and it tickles. Not a fun tickle, but an annoying, taunting tickle which I can't ignore. And besides poking around blindly in my ear with a sharp-ish implement, I have no idea how to stop it.
Any suggestions?
I'm quite hairy. Except for the top of my head, I'm hairy. In fact, I'm probably as hairy as the top of my head on 75% of the rest of my body. My least hairy places: the inside of my elbows, the sides of my neck, and presumably my ass (I don't know...I haven't looked).
Apparently, it's familial. My cousins and I went to Florida for a holiday a few years ago. While standing in line for a water slide (yes, we're dorks...thank you for asking), I overheard a kid asking his parent "Why are those men so hairy?" I'm always ready for viewing the freaks. That very same day, we saw a woman who was approximately 400lbs who was "wearing" a very tiny American flag-print bikini. My cousin, noting where the flag was being "flown" (disappearing into the crack of her ass), said "that's not very patriotic". That's all that was said; and that's all that was needed to be said for me and my other cousin to understand. So when we heard that kid asking about the hairiness of some people nearby, I really was expecting to see a few guys who were sporting black shag carpets. When I couldn't find them, I realized, to my horror, that junior was talking about us. All of the "men" around us were as hairless as some genetically-disadvantaged cats. We, the Canadians, were the hairy ones. Hairy noses, hairy toeses. Hairy.
Where is this going? These days, I'm becoming increasingly tortured by ear hair. I'm trying my best to keep ahead of it. I pluck. I mow with a fancy trimmer. But the struggle continues. Once in a while, I feel the aggravating tickle of a new hair springing forth somewhere inside my ear. I can't ever see them, so I have to blindly tug around with tweezers hoping to find the one, torturous offender. It's not easy, and when I think that I've found and tweezed the hairy little devil, some breeze catches it (yes, there's a breeze through my ears), and it tickles. Not a fun tickle, but an annoying, taunting tickle which I can't ignore. And besides poking around blindly in my ear with a sharp-ish implement, I have no idea how to stop it.
Any suggestions?
posted by kuzcolike at
11:32 PM
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