Couch Potato Without Pity
I confess to watching too much tv.
But what I've just realized is that most of the tv I watch isn't because I'm inherently interested in the show itself. Mostly, I'm interested to read about the shows on one of my favourite websites, Television Without Pity, a website borne out of a group of friends whose need to keep up with the shiteous teen-angst "reality" of the former Dawson's Creek was so great that they started the habit of recapping the episodes for each other in case someone had to skip a week.
Over a short period of time, this website grew to employ (yes, they employ, and pay) at least 70 (due to all the tv watching, my attention span is short and I couldn't count any more) recappers who cover about 60 tv shows. And when they cover those tv shows, they don't pull any punches. As their motto says: "Spare the snark, spoil the networks." And that is why I love the website.
One day, I aspire to be as witty, intelligent, knowledgeable, and insightful as some of the writers on TWoP. I will include a short example (because the website threatens to sue). The writer refers to Colonel KLC, who is the "country" girl on the current incarnation of American Idol. It had me laughing/crying at work today when I was sneaking peeks at it.
Colonel KLC tells us a bunch of nothing and looks very pretty and has heard of the Beatles. She'll be singing a countrified version of "Eight Days A Week," which she calls a "risk" six times in a row. If there is any justice in this world, this is going to be the most amazingly sucky thing in the world. Like I actually started bouncing on the couch when she said that, because I think Kristy Lee has a pretty good shot at being Sanjaya, honestly, because she sucks so bad that it could be incredible. She just needs to commit to sucking and so far she hasn't really done that. This could be her night to suck really bad, though. Let's see. There are like twenty violins going, and she's seriously squatty, and the song is like incredibly fast, like they sped up the real song on the Chipmunk machine. WOW! This is totally awful! This is so great! I can't believe how shitty this is! Her eyes are full of terror and it's like the song is going faster and faster and faster and the monkey's chasing the weasel and it's...she has no idea. Just none. This is so great, she makes all manner of spooky weird faces and then yodels. Yodels! I love this show! She's so fucking awful, it is great!
Randy's like, "You sounded shitty and inbred, and yet came off fake even though you are both, in reality." Paula tells her she prefers barbiturates to the violently methamphetamine nature of her performance, and says she knew where she was going with it, but that it was a grandiose failure. Simon tells her it was of the Devil and that she sounded bravely like Dolly Parton on helium, and calls it "ghastly country fair." The Colonel's all, "I liked it!" Whatever, freak, go vote for yourself. Ryan asks how Simon can tell her to be country, stay country, and then bash her for it, and Simon's like, "But it fucking sucked, though." And Ryan asks Paula if Simon's advice was crappy, and Simon tells him to fuck off, and Ryan says that the day Simon becomes the host of the show he can do whatever the hell he wants, but until then, he can double fuck off. Paula says that KLC is safe because she has a big fan base, and Kristy thanks her for this value-free fact as though she just said something nice. Which she didn't, she said something mean, which is that KLC's fans are stupid and will vote for her no matter how bad she sucks. But I mean, how do you survive if you're KLC without being able to turn frowns upside down like that? She just made lemonade out of Paula! Delicious metalemonade!
Click here to see the whole critique of Tuesday night's Beatles episode of American Idol.
I confess to watching too much tv.
But what I've just realized is that most of the tv I watch isn't because I'm inherently interested in the show itself. Mostly, I'm interested to read about the shows on one of my favourite websites, Television Without Pity, a website borne out of a group of friends whose need to keep up with the shiteous teen-angst "reality" of the former Dawson's Creek was so great that they started the habit of recapping the episodes for each other in case someone had to skip a week.
Over a short period of time, this website grew to employ (yes, they employ, and pay) at least 70 (due to all the tv watching, my attention span is short and I couldn't count any more) recappers who cover about 60 tv shows. And when they cover those tv shows, they don't pull any punches. As their motto says: "Spare the snark, spoil the networks." And that is why I love the website.
One day, I aspire to be as witty, intelligent, knowledgeable, and insightful as some of the writers on TWoP. I will include a short example (because the website threatens to sue). The writer refers to Colonel KLC, who is the "country" girl on the current incarnation of American Idol. It had me laughing/crying at work today when I was sneaking peeks at it.
Colonel KLC tells us a bunch of nothing and looks very pretty and has heard of the Beatles. She'll be singing a countrified version of "Eight Days A Week," which she calls a "risk" six times in a row. If there is any justice in this world, this is going to be the most amazingly sucky thing in the world. Like I actually started bouncing on the couch when she said that, because I think Kristy Lee has a pretty good shot at being Sanjaya, honestly, because she sucks so bad that it could be incredible. She just needs to commit to sucking and so far she hasn't really done that. This could be her night to suck really bad, though. Let's see. There are like twenty violins going, and she's seriously squatty, and the song is like incredibly fast, like they sped up the real song on the Chipmunk machine. WOW! This is totally awful! This is so great! I can't believe how shitty this is! Her eyes are full of terror and it's like the song is going faster and faster and faster and the monkey's chasing the weasel and it's...she has no idea. Just none. This is so great, she makes all manner of spooky weird faces and then yodels. Yodels! I love this show! She's so fucking awful, it is great!
Randy's like, "You sounded shitty and inbred, and yet came off fake even though you are both, in reality." Paula tells her she prefers barbiturates to the violently methamphetamine nature of her performance, and says she knew where she was going with it, but that it was a grandiose failure. Simon tells her it was of the Devil and that she sounded bravely like Dolly Parton on helium, and calls it "ghastly country fair." The Colonel's all, "I liked it!" Whatever, freak, go vote for yourself. Ryan asks how Simon can tell her to be country, stay country, and then bash her for it, and Simon's like, "But it fucking sucked, though." And Ryan asks Paula if Simon's advice was crappy, and Simon tells him to fuck off, and Ryan says that the day Simon becomes the host of the show he can do whatever the hell he wants, but until then, he can double fuck off. Paula says that KLC is safe because she has a big fan base, and Kristy thanks her for this value-free fact as though she just said something nice. Which she didn't, she said something mean, which is that KLC's fans are stupid and will vote for her no matter how bad she sucks. But I mean, how do you survive if you're KLC without being able to turn frowns upside down like that? She just made lemonade out of Paula! Delicious metalemonade!
Click here to see the whole critique of Tuesday night's Beatles episode of American Idol.
posted by kuzcolike at
9:20 PM
3 Comments:
I loved that TWoP book. The 90210-related entries were gut-busters. The site is fabulous for the reality tv recaps - America's Next Top Model being my vice, even if I can never never tell any of the girls apart by names alone. They really need to put some pictures of the players on there somewhere so I can remember who they're talking about.
Did you hear that someone is reviving 90210, sort of, by doing a spin-off?
Biscuit
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