Sunday, March 30, 2008

Milestones

According to the calendar on the wall, and my supervisor at work, I have been in their employ for about 7 months now. Just after I started working there, my supervisor had to start the "yearly review" process. She must have been either overly optimistic that I would stay or overly assured that her persuasory would work (she had had a series of employees leave after being there for only a few months...she kept telling me this over and over again before asking if I was happy and all that), because she started the yearly review process for me long before my 3-month probationary period was over.

Last week, she gave me the performance review. She apologized that my numbers were so middling. I couldn't hold it against her. She had to judge me after knowing me for only a few weeks. In fact, I must say that she was rather generous considering that fact. The bottom line is that I got a raise. Again, she apologized because it was so little. I didn't have the nerve to tell her that this was the first job I'd ever worked where my supervisor somewhat sponataneously gave me a raise. In fact, I'm still just glad to be working. The raise is just a bonus (pun intended).

Now, see, that introduces the new problem. If I had been telling you that story in person, I would have certainly chuckled after saying "The raise is just a bonus (pun intende)." Lately, I've felt the need to provide my own laugh track, which is lame. I've become a chuckler. According to my own rules, I must hate myself. And I don't.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The story ends in an unexpected way
(don't worry...my dad is okay)

Yesterday afternoon, my mother phoned my cel phone. She has done that several times this week. Each time, I've answered and heard her talking to my dad in the background. "He must be in a meeting..." Apparently, she has no patience. I usually answer on the third ring. Or maybe she doesn't really want to talk to me, and my assumption about her patience is tragically incorrect. It doesn't matter. She has phoned several times this week while I was at work. One of the times, she was phoning to tell me that Purdy's hadn't yet marked down their Easter chocolate. Tragedy.

Yesterday afternoon, she phoned to tell me that my dad had had chest/side/back pains earlier in the day. They had gone to their gp, who miracuously (sp?) had an opening. They had rushed down to make the appointment. The doctor had seen him and ordered a few tests. She was phoning to let me know that they might be stuck at the hospital getting tested, would I be able to let out the dog, who was due to pee (like clockwork) at 4:30. He, the dog, is well-trained in only that one area: peeing. Everything else is an adorable free-for-all.

They arrived soon after I let the dog out, which made for a very happy dog. He likes greeting people, especially people he knows. And if it's the people who feed him, that's even better. He peed quickly.

As soon as my dad got into the house, he decided to go back out and get his prescriptions filled. He obligingly took the cell phone with him even though he always "forgets". If he doesn't have the phone with him, my mother can't phone him and extend his errands. I'm not saying that he does it on purpose, but it does seem mighty convenient.

When he got back from Save-On, he said that the strangest thing had happened. He was just getting back into the car when the cell rang. He answered, and the woman on the other end said "You just phoned 911." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. He said that he hadn't. He was already slightly angry because, once again, his doctor had prescribed a new medication that isn't covered by their medical plan. This happens too often, and both of my parents are retired. They're paying for their own medical, so it would be really nice if the doctor stuck with what is covered. So when he got this phone call, he was probably already a little upset. Then someone phones him and says that he phoned 911. "Don't give me any attitude" the woman on the other end said, "I want some information." Thinking that this was a scam, he said again that he hadn't phoned her, told her that she wasn't getting any info, and hung up. I think that's a reasonable thing to do considering the circumstances.

He came home and told the story. We all agreed that it sounded like a scam.

Two hours later, when I looked out front and saw the two police cars pull up across the street, I had completely forgotten this incident (or my brain had checked out for the evening). Knowing that the front gate was locked, and seeing that they had walked across the road and were trying to figure out how to open it, I went downstairs and told my dad. I figured that they would find a way in if they really wanted to get in. But he had to go find out, so he went out into the cold and rain to find out what they wanted.

I went upstairs to tell my mother and to pick up my digital recorder just in case. You never know. There have been some tasings. By the time I got back downstairs, he was headed back to the house and the cops pulled away. He came in to get the keys to the gate locks, unlocked the gates, and came back with a cop. I could tell that my dad was really agitated. Great. So the cop came in and started explaining that they got the call from dispatch that there was a 911 call from the cell phone and that they have to come and investigate. My dad started again explaining that he hadn't made the call. The cop cut him off and said that the phone call had been made, "that was a fact". So I said that we couldn't understand how that would happen while he was in the line at Save-On, with the phone in his pocket. How could he have accidentally dialed 9+1+1+Send? I understand that they have to follow up on the 911 call, but I still don't understand how the call got placed. I wondered if there was a mistake. The cop argued with me. I still don't understand how the call could have been made. I went through the phone book on the cell phone. 911 isn't in it. And it's an old phone. It doesn't have the "press and hold a button and it will dial" kind of feature.

Anyhow, there was arguing back and forth, and the cop gave us his card and told us to follow up with "dispatch" today to find out what happened. He took my dad's driver's license, wrote some stuff down, and left.

After he had left, my dad told us that when he was outside talking to the cops, he had told the cops that he hadn't dialled the phone. The cops had argued that the call had been made and that they had to follow up. He was talking to them over the fence and they threatened to cuff him and arrest him if he continued to be difficult. He then told them that he'd let them in so they could check, but he had to go back to the house to get a key. They didn't want him to leave. Again, he was being difficult. Which, he probably was, because he didn't make the damn call in the first place.

We still don't know what happened. The 911 operator called him on the cell, which means that the cell was "hung up". If he had accidentally made the call to 911, wouldn't it still be connected? I will admit (though he won't) that my dad probably should have just let the cops in when they came here to check things out. I totally understand that that is "procedure". But I still want to figure out how it happened in the first place? Did my dad accidentally dial the phone? Did the old phone somehow spontaeously dial 911? Did the 911 operator misdial and reach my parent's cell phone instead of the original caller? We hope to find out. I do NOT want this to happen again.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Luck of the Irish, sort of

Today is St. Patrick's Day, right? It was when I checked my calendar this morning. But according to McDonald's, St. Patrick's Day happened some time last week. It depends on which McDonald's you go to.

You see, they have this yearly special menu item in honour of St. Patrick's Day. It's called the Shamrock Shake. It's minty. It's green. It's cool. And it's available for a limited time only. You would think that limited time would include the holiday in which the shake was made and named, but it doesn't. Nope. That's not guaranteed. Each store orders in some of the shake mix. But they don't want to get stuck with the leftovers (how would that happen...people would magically...like leprechauns...stop buying them after St. Patrick's Day), so they order only a little. When they run out, your luck runs out, too.

"Sorry!?!" The vacuous little till-jockey shrugs at you. "They were available for a limited time." Apparently McDonald's has a different calendar than the rest of us.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Couch Potato Without Pity

I confess to watching too much tv.

But what I've just realized is that most of the tv I watch isn't because I'm inherently interested in the show itself. Mostly, I'm interested to read about the shows on one of my favourite websites, Television Without Pity, a website borne out of a group of friends whose need to keep up with the shiteous teen-angst "reality" of the former Dawson's Creek was so great that they started the habit of recapping the episodes for each other in case someone had to skip a week.

Over a short period of time, this website grew to employ (yes, they employ, and pay) at least 70 (due to all the tv watching, my attention span is short and I couldn't count any more) recappers who cover about 60 tv shows. And when they cover those tv shows, they don't pull any punches. As their motto says: "Spare the snark, spoil the networks." And that is why I love the website.

One day, I aspire to be as witty, intelligent, knowledgeable, and insightful as some of the writers on TWoP. I will include a short example (because the website threatens to sue). The writer refers to Colonel KLC, who is the "country" girl on the current incarnation of American Idol. It had me laughing/crying at work today when I was sneaking peeks at it.

Colonel KLC tells us a bunch of nothing and looks very pretty and has heard of the Beatles. She'll be singing a countrified version of "Eight Days A Week," which she calls a "risk" six times in a row. If there is any justice in this world, this is going to be the most amazingly sucky thing in the world. Like I actually started bouncing on the couch when she said that, because I think Kristy Lee has a pretty good shot at being Sanjaya, honestly, because she sucks so bad that it could be incredible. She just needs to commit to sucking and so far she hasn't really done that. This could be her night to suck really bad, though. Let's see. There are like twenty violins going, and she's seriously squatty, and the song is like incredibly fast, like they sped up the real song on the Chipmunk machine. WOW! This is totally awful! This is so great! I can't believe how shitty this is! Her eyes are full of terror and it's like the song is going faster and faster and faster and the monkey's chasing the weasel and it's...she has no idea. Just none. This is so great, she makes all manner of spooky weird faces and then yodels. Yodels! I love this show! She's so fucking awful, it is great!


Randy's like, "You sounded shitty and inbred, and yet came off fake even though you are both, in reality." Paula tells her she prefers barbiturates to the violently methamphetamine nature of her performance, and says she knew where she was going with it, but that it was a grandiose failure. Simon tells her it was of the Devil and that she sounded bravely like Dolly Parton on helium, and calls it "ghastly country fair." The Colonel's all, "I liked it!" Whatever, freak, go vote for yourself. Ryan asks how Simon can tell her to be country, stay country, and then bash her for it, and Simon's like, "But it fucking sucked, though." And Ryan asks Paula if Simon's advice was crappy, and Simon tells him to fuck off, and Ryan says that the day Simon becomes the host of the show he can do whatever the hell he wants, but until then, he can double fuck off. Paula says that KLC is safe because she has a big fan base, and Kristy thanks her for this value-free fact as though she just said something nice. Which she didn't, she said something mean, which is that KLC's fans are stupid and will vote for her no matter how bad she sucks. But I mean, how do you survive if you're KLC without being able to turn frowns upside down like that? She just made lemonade out of Paula! Delicious metalemonade!


Click here to see the whole critique of Tuesday night's Beatles episode of American Idol.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Not Much

Just wanted to remind you to: Laugh.


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Naked

Once you get settled into a job, you get accustomed to the people around you, sort of...skip back to my entry on January 11 titled "Holy Crap". I'm still annoyed by the food noises around me. I wonder if I make annoying food noises?

But those people who don't stand out by annoying you usually fade into the background. They become their functions, especially when you have no first-hand contact with them. If they're in another part of the office, out of your sight, they don't amount to much. You know them by what they can do for you or for what they want you to do for them. Beyond that, they're wallpaper.

A co-worker stepped out from the wallpaper today. She's one of the few who got the surreptitious invite from the deserter to come visit him in England if we're "ever in the neighbourhood". (Aside: Is that really an invite?) So I knew her as part of the inner circle of invitees, those people deemed cool or human enough to be invited. I found some comfort in in that invitation because I was so new to the office. Of course, I sat right next to the deserter, so by default, I was on his radar. However, we shared a similar disdain for some of our more enthusiastic co-workers, so there was more to the friendship than proximity.

Jenn distinguished herself from the masses today with her version of the inclusive email. Titled "Jenn's dance show", she selected a few folks to invite to her dance groups' upcoming performance. Immediately, I was conflicted: "dance shows" can be a swirling masse of embarassment (I'm reminded of the line from the tv show 3rd Rock from the Sun, when Sally invites Dick to see her ballet performance because her teacher says that she dances like a drunk bear. Being from outer space, she doesn't realize that this isn't a compliment.), and I don't usually enjoy participating in swirling masses of embarassment, especially when I'm in the first row and can't avoid eye contact or hide my embarassment.

However, I clicked on the link out of curiousity and politeness. Besides, I read the email further, and noted a warning that there could be nudity. It turns out that she dances with Kokoro Dance, a famous and perhaps infamous (depending how you feel about nudity + art) local dance company.

Immediately, I was unreasonably excited. Not because of the notion of nudity, but because I had learned something secret about a co-worker. I was also excited to know that I know someone who is so brave to not only dance naked, but that I know someone who has the self-confidence and personal fortitude to invite co-workers to come see her dance naked (and not for tips, which would be awkward).

This incident made me realize 2 things about myself: 1) I'm still very lazy (she maintains a full-time job and she dances), and 2) I'm not that interesting. I need to get up off my ass and be active, and I have to pick up a hobby.

Whether or not I keep my clothes on for either is up in the air for now.

So, any suggestions?