Thursday, August 31, 2006

So last Tuesday was the first of two days that my cousin, Craig, just had to work.

I chose that day to fulfill a personal and familial mission: visit the Toronto Zoo. My mother has been in love with the zoo ever since the cable tv package changed to include the Life channel. She loves the Zoo Diaries show; it makes her laugh, it makes her cry. I'm a sucker for zoos...anything like that, museums, science centers, aquariums, so I was interested. Amazingly enough, my cousin, who has lived in Toronto for four years now, has never been to the zoo. It's world famous! He's been to every pub in the GTA, but never been to the zoo. I don't get it.

The transit ride seemed to be never ending. I took the bus to the subway. I took one subway line east until it intersected with the other. I transfered, and took the other subway north. I caught another bus east. I transfered to another bus that went a little more north. The trip was about 2 hours in total, but I think that it was worth it.

The zoo is massive, but it's not a technical marvel such as other zoos. There is no monorail line. There are no high-tech displays. Just endless trails of animals in cages. Unfortunately, the lack of technology does mean that some of the animals seem a little trapped. Some of the more modern zoos have better, more natural enclosures. Some of the best make the guests feel caged while the animals roam free. Those are the best kinds of zoos.

I wandered the paths for about 4 hours. During that time, I fought bravely and won against my impulse to strangle children and parents. It was a hot, sunny-ish, humid day. Why did people feel that it was necessary to drag young, almost new babies and children out in the hot midday sun. The kids aren't going to remember anything. They won't remember "posing" (aka dozing) for the photos you've taken. Part of the reason they won't remember might be the permanent brain damage caused by the sunstroke. But who am I to comment? I haven't impregnated anyone, therefore I'm no expert on raising kids (that was meant to be a joke because we all know that getting pregnant and birthing a baby does not mean that people experts, it just means that they're fertile).

So the kids were screeching louder than the primates. But I did manage to get a few good photos (I think). There's a picture of one of the trails. A photo of an orangutan in a burlap sack (you can just see the feet sticking out). When I got to that area, all I could see was a burlap sack sitting on the platform. Then the organgutan "fought" its way out. Then it stared at the crowd watching it, and then it put the sack back on. Very funny.





Then there's the photo of some elephants (four, I think). Monkey love. And then some more scenery.















I bought a bunch of stuff at the gift shop, including something for The Brat, and then I took the long journey on transit back home. This time, though, I followed some other people, and found a slightly shorter route. It went through a scary part of town, but I survived.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Short entry today because last Monday was a short day. We went to (Paramount) Canada's Wonderland. It was supposed to be a day trip. I had been waiting to go to this place ever since MuchMusic went on the air and started broadcasting in front of the "mountain" with the waterfall.

Amusement parks are my geek weakness, and this was supposed to be one of the highlights of my trip. I was prepared. I took a Dramamine pill for motion sickness because I do remember, always, that I'm still damaged from that time when I was a kid, and that I'm still dizzy.

So we waited in a lineup for at least half an hour to go on the first ride, the Tom Cruise inspired/endorsed Top Gun rollercoaster (NOTE: While I was away, we did hear the news that Paramount dropped TC from its roster of stars. I really wanted to go back to Can's Wonderland to see if all references to TC were ripped away from the rides). That was a very stupid move, going on that rollercoaster first. I should have taken it easy and started with the non-looping coasters. I can handle those quite easily. I can usually handle the looping ones, usually.

That morning, perhaps the combination of heat stroke (it was a sunny and humid day), withdraw from my daily Starbuck's fix, and maybe even the new pill (I usually take Gravol) made me sick. I don't know. All I know is that I got off that ride, went straight to the washroom. I didn't throw up at first. I sat on the toilet for a while, trying to recover.

Then we walked around the park for a bit.

Then I went to the bathroom again, and sat on the toilet for a while. I thought I was good. Nothing had happened. So I left. I was just going to answer Craig's question, and I got the horrible feeling. I barely made it back into the washroom before all hell broke loose. I was apparently in there for an hour. Poor Craig. We just happened to be in the kiddie section, so he was stuck hearing screaming, whinging brats accompanied by kiddie music while I emptied my contents.

I crawled out of the washroom, and for revenge, he took this photo. Bless him. That was so kind. It's the only photo from that day. I'm not picking my ass. I'm trying to reach something in the side pocket of my shorts. I swear.

I managed to walk/stumble out of the park and across the street to catch a cab. The first cab company Craig called said that they didn't pick up there. Whatever.

So we went home, I took some Gravol, and fell asleep. We had been gone for 4 hours, and all we had managed to do was go on one ride and get me sick.

Later, Craig made some veggie green curry with tofu, sugar peas, carrots, and peppers. Sounds like the best thing to eat when you're motion sick, doesn't it?

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Addendum to yesterday's entry for last Sunday:
When we finished lunch at yet another pub, Craig asked me if there was anything in particular that I wanted to see. We had already been to the extraordainary new design school building, but there was one museum in particular I wanted to visit. I thought that it would have perfect souvenirs for meladuck and scangie. Miraculously, we were right next door. I wasn't able to get exactly what I was looking for because there was a bitter little woman in a wheelchair who was blocking the way. She kept saying "these are so beeeauuuutiful" very loudly. Finally, she got pissy and badgered/asked one of the shopkeepers to reach some postcards down for her. She said loudly "since nobody else will help me". I'm sure that she thought that we were all handi-scared, but really, we were just too stupid to pick up on her unobviously hints for help.
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New thing:
I just received a new writing assignment from alive magazine. On my last day, when we were driving to the restaurant for lunch, Susan asked me if I'd be interested in the new "life makeover" assignment. They were selecting people to be used as test subjects for various holistic healing methods to establish healthier lifestyles. I said "sure". It's to be a blogging-type thing, except the first assignment is 500 words about me and my health. Hmmmm, not exactly comfortable with that. We'll have to see what happens.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

So my first full day in Toronto was a Sunday. My clever cousin decided to take me on a tour of the city to get me acquainted. I had timed my visit poorly, and he wasn't able to get the whole week off while I was there. Because of this, I would be spending some time alone. He thought, prudently, that he should familiarize me with the transit/subway system, and with the layout of the city. Therefore, we spent the entire day on Sunday exploring the city.

So we started the day by catching the bus, transferring to the subway, and surfacing somewhere in the city. We weaved our way through a few streets, and found our first location: the pub where we'd be having breakfast/lunch/brunch. He ordered some sort of Whatzit IPA 5 beer, which brought the owner of the pub out looking for the person who ordered it. I thought that he was going to say that they were out of that particular brew, but no. Instead, he and Craig (my cousin) launched into a 10 minute discussion about beer.

Bored, I looked around and admired the scenery. As can be seen in these two photos, we were on a street comprised of many low-rise brick buildings which housed businesses on the first floors and residences on the upper floors. Brick is the major theme of Ontario building and architecture. Everything from tiny bungalows to many-storied apartment buildings are built using brick. It's depressing and heavy, and I don't much like it. The only bonus is that the owners can grow ivy and other climbing plants without having to worry about cutting them down for painting.

The breakfast was excellent haute pub faire; I had whole wheat cinnamon french toast, and Craig had smoked salmon eggs benedict. We ate while Craig explained in excruciating detail what IPA means (India Pale Ale...see how short the explanation can be). We then started back on our wending way through the city. We walked by the Royal Ontario Museum, and noted the offensive addition a very reknowned architect is smiting the building with. Daniel Liebskind, internationally reknowned architect, is saddling the lovely old building with "interlocking prismatic forms". See for yourself at the website or from my photo.

Personally, I'm a little offended by it. I don't find it clever or esthetically pleasing.

We wandered around the city for most of the day (we apparently covered 11 kilometres on foot). We walked past and through Honest Ed's store. I really wanted to pick up some souvenirs here, but we got lost in the maze of bargains, I panicked thinking that we might never escape, and we bolted for the door. It was really difficult to not pick up a few gilded Elvis busts, but the lineups were foreboding and I couldn't figure out how they would fit in my luggage.

Over the course of the day's wanderings, we managed to find refuge in 4 pubs. This didn't surprise me, but it did disappoint me a little. But I do realize that Craig's comfort beverage is beer, while mine is a frappucino. This cold-turkey quittage of the Starbuck's might be the explanation for my queasiness the next day. Or it could have at least contributed to "the incident". Tune in tomorrow for more details on that.


We made it back to Craig's neighbourhood, which is near High Park. He wanted to show me the most excellent Chapters store ever. It is in a former theatre, and for once, the new owners didn't excavate and recreate. Instead, they kept most of the theatrical atmosphere.
It's a little sad that something such as this thrills me so much, but it did. Maybe it was because this was the first time I noticed the one thing that makes Toronto better than BC. A woman was strolling through the store with her yellow lab. And no-one was freaking out! Well, I was, because I thought it was so cool. Craig and I had a conversation about how Torontonians are able to take dogs into public places...stores, transit, some restaurants. It led to a very heated discussion which I won't repeat, but I will say that it threatened the goodness of the rest of the visit.

Anyhow, he picked up Season 5 of The Simpsons, and we returned to his apartment at a somewhat early hour to watch a couple of episodes. I was exhausted by the 11 kilometre walk, and the humidity wasn't helping. Besides, we had an early day planned for Monday.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Hello. I am back from the center of the universe. No, it wasn't a quest of Tolkien proportions, but merely a visit to my cousin in Toronto (aka the center of the universe).

I had a good time despite the humidity and the lingering sewer smell. I apparently visited many places my cousin hasn't been to in the four years he's been there. Yes, I'm very much a tourist. So I went to the Zoo, to the Toronto Islands, to Niagara Falls, and to the Stratford and Shaw festivals. I have attached a photo of which I am fairly proud. Not only did I take it myself, I managed to get the CN Tower in a somewhat good position behind me, AND I also managed to hide my girth.

Stay tuned for more developments.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I'm going to Toronto. Booking the airfare was a bit traumatic, but it got done. Cost me almost $900, but that's what you get when you're planning at the last minute.

So I'll be gone from August 19 to August 27. I'll be picking up emails semi-regularly.

Anyone have any advice or requests while I'm there? And that's a blanket "NO" to any requests for liquids or gels, or electronic equipment. Thanks for asking, though.

Monday, August 14, 2006

It's officially over, and I'm quite sad. I've written the damned report (17 pages of eloquent bullshit and fabricated self-reflection, thank you), and I went by the magazine today to pick up the jacket my subconscious purposefully left behind so I'd have an excuse for one more visit. Who am I kidding? I already missed the place. A lot of people were out for lunch, so it was an easier visit. If they had all been there and ignored me, then I would have been crushed.

Happily, I'm still getting writing assignments. I'll have to get on top of that. I believe that I have one due during the time I'm supposed to be in Toronto. And let me tell you, I want that to be the furthest from my mind. So I'll have to rush to get it done. As always.

Meanwhile, has anyone seen cheap airfare to Toronto?

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Well, today was the last day of the heavenly internship. Really, it was such a good experience...I won't know what to do with myself now. It wasn't a tearful farewell (I AM that strong), but it was difficult. I have learned a lot, laughed a lot, and hopefully made some new friends. I have promised that I will go back to visit, often (frequently enough to stay fresh in people's minds, but not so much as to be pesky).

But now I have to sit down and write that damned report. If I had only done it sooner... And now I'm trying to arrange a trip to Toronto to visit my cousin. I suddenly have many pressing deadlines.

Speaking of which, I still have something due for the mag. Bye for now.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Tomorrow is the last day of the internship. I am fraught with emotion and confusion. I really, really love the place...the people are amazingly nice and the work is fun. I wish that I was quitting the hateful food service job instead of this pleasure dome of words and witticisms, but I can't. I must go back to school and finish the program.

People were already sending me off today. Not in the "don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out" kind of way, but in the "don't leave us" way. That's very affirming, even though I know that a major part of it is that I am a huge office goof. No one there knows how to have much fun. Josie and I must have given them quite the shake-up (she with her googly eye balls, pig-shooting gun, and stuffed ebola virus "Little Ebby, and me, who cannot resist a good prank). I tried to fool them into starting a petition to keep me, but no one was brave or stupid enough to start it.

Oh, well, this signals the start of another phase. Now I have to write the damned report about this whole experience. I have many good things to say about it...but the act of writing the report is keeping me from doing it. Lazy? Maybe. Unwilling to close that chapter? Perhaps.

I just hope that the door doesn't hit me on the ass on the way out, but stays open for me. Please.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


I had an extra-curricular evening last night. I met a friend in Richmond and we went to the Night Market. It wasn't what I expected, in a good way. I suspected that it was going to be similar to the PNE with all the vendors of wondercrap vying desperately for your attention and your dollar. It turned out to be so much more milder and user-friendly than that. And lots of people had brought their puppies, so it couldn't have been that bad (except for the poor bitch or bastard who was forced into wearing puppy booties...not dignified).




So, some photos. There are some photos of the crowd and the vendors. Please note the Robot Sweeper tent. I was extremely disappointed to find out that it wasn't something to sweep your robot, but was a wind up ball that fits inside and pushes a contraption around that "sweeps". I'm sure that at $9.95 that it's very effective. There is also a photo of a particularly cute pup. His "dad" was in a line-up to sample curry- and wasabi-flavoured Kettle Chips. He took the opportunity to molest the woman in the line-up behind them. First he forced an unwanted kiss on her, and then he felt her up with his paw. And then he was gone...disappearing into the crowd.



We spent some time in the food section. It was the most crowded section. There was some good and some questionable stuff here. What is "periwinkle" anyhow? (I'll answer that later in the entry.) Walking through the food section, I sometimes smelled things that made me want to eat, and sometimes I smelled things that made me want to think of anything else but eating. I'm so sheltered. We had some nice stir-fried rice dishes served in hollow-out pineapples, with pineapples, saffron rice, peas, carrots, and some shrimp. It was good. Then we got a variety of skewers (pork, chicken, beef, white asparagus wrapped in bacon...but no squid arms). And finally, we had bubble tea. At that point, we were too full to enjoy dessert...how disappointing.



Some of the noteable vendors included the many underwear vendors (that just seems really wrong to me), the mp4 vendors (not mp3), the sword vendors ("We will take notes on you...just in case), and the tired'n'jaded old Brit who was half-heartedly playing the bargaining game. He might as well just have said "here, take them". He was selling "designer inspired handbags", and his stall was a madhouse. My friend, Anne-Marie, couldn't get near to see the "Burberry" bags that she wanted terribly. In the end, I bought a couple of cheap but bright led flashlight keychains ($10 for two including batteries), and Anne-Marie bought four of those fancy "crystal" with bubbles paperweights (including 2 lighted stands and batteries). She thought they would be handy to have for emergency secret Santa gifts.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Oh, lament.

I cannot write. I'm struggling to push out the last assignment for Calvin, and I just can't. I've worked on it the last few nights, and it's crap. It upsets me so much because the story and the person both deserved so much more care, attention, and brainpower than I'm capable of at this moment.

This isn't your regular writer's wonk. This is true despair.

I blame THEM. All those "teachers" who pull us through the wringer. I cannot believe that after this exhausting exercise in Personal Therapy, he wants us to do such a personal and long narrative. I just can't do it.

I think that I'm twisted up because of revision guilt. There's just no time to finish all of the assignments. And then there's the "option" to rewrite the other assignments. Thanks, really, that makes me feel so much better. Especially considering that the procedure is so easy. How many hoops do you want me to jump through? How high? Thanks, but no thanks.

I will be so glad when this class is over.